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A Healing Journey
Jun. 20th, 2025 09:04 pm It seems like every time I'm unemployed, or start to have a little bit of space to think, I end up making another one of these. Not a Dreamwidth specifically, but a new blog--- a new place to put my thoughts and talk into the void, hoping maybe I'll be able to sit better with myself afterwards.
Truthfully, I'm very mentally ill.
About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and I'm seeking a diagnosis for ADHD. But that's a more complicated matter. Oftentimes, I feel kind of lost in life.
I have no sense of religion. I don't feel particularly tied to any spiritual practice.
I've been making it up as I go and I don't feel particularly satisfied with my life choices.
It's not that I regret my choices--- I made the best decisions with the information that I had at the time. Rather, I just feel like I'm not really getting what I want out of life. I don't feel particularly drawn to any career. I struggle to take care of myself often. My relationships are often in shambles.
And I really truly struggle to set a goal, make a plan, and stick to it.
It feels incredibly frustrating to sit alone with myself anymore.
I've been having some deep talks with my boyfriend lately, about the idea of me taking my hobbies seriously and investing in them intentionally.
Not to turn them into a side-hustle, or make a career out of them, but rather to truly invest time and effort and love into them.
To, in essence, give me a reason to live and try and breed joy into my life.
To be honest... I don't really know how to do that.
I started to draw a unicorn recently.
I'm currently working on inking the background before I can start adding color.
I'm going to tape it to the wall where my desk sits, as a reminder to keep chasing magic, to keep striving for fun and whimsy in a world that is sad and bleak and sometimes hopeless.
It's an idea to keep me fighting, I guess.
What is this blog going to be?
I truthfully don't know.
Maybe it's just a journal to put my rambling thoughts.
Maybe it'll be a place where I work out my feelings on religion in real time.
Maybe it's where I document my healing journey.
I don't know.
What I do know is that I really want to try with this--- whatever this is.
A place to be a little bit more... myself.
A safe space to experiment with my identity and my ideas and figure out what the hell I'm doing on this lonely rock in space.
I hope you enjoy this ride with me.
Maybe my journey will help you too...
Truthfully, I'm very mentally ill.
About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and I'm seeking a diagnosis for ADHD. But that's a more complicated matter. Oftentimes, I feel kind of lost in life.
I have no sense of religion. I don't feel particularly tied to any spiritual practice.
I've been making it up as I go and I don't feel particularly satisfied with my life choices.
It's not that I regret my choices--- I made the best decisions with the information that I had at the time. Rather, I just feel like I'm not really getting what I want out of life. I don't feel particularly drawn to any career. I struggle to take care of myself often. My relationships are often in shambles.
And I really truly struggle to set a goal, make a plan, and stick to it.
It feels incredibly frustrating to sit alone with myself anymore.
I've been having some deep talks with my boyfriend lately, about the idea of me taking my hobbies seriously and investing in them intentionally.
Not to turn them into a side-hustle, or make a career out of them, but rather to truly invest time and effort and love into them.
To, in essence, give me a reason to live and try and breed joy into my life.
To be honest... I don't really know how to do that.
I started to draw a unicorn recently.
I'm currently working on inking the background before I can start adding color.
I'm going to tape it to the wall where my desk sits, as a reminder to keep chasing magic, to keep striving for fun and whimsy in a world that is sad and bleak and sometimes hopeless.
It's an idea to keep me fighting, I guess.
What is this blog going to be?
I truthfully don't know.
Maybe it's just a journal to put my rambling thoughts.
Maybe it'll be a place where I work out my feelings on religion in real time.
Maybe it's where I document my healing journey.
I don't know.
What I do know is that I really want to try with this--- whatever this is.
A place to be a little bit more... myself.
A safe space to experiment with my identity and my ideas and figure out what the hell I'm doing on this lonely rock in space.
I hope you enjoy this ride with me.
Maybe my journey will help you too...
--- The Scholar
