Thoughts on Slowing Down
Jun. 21st, 2025 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thewanderingscholar I think a lot of what drew me to this platform was how much it encourages you to slow down and think in comparison to other social media.
The endless scrolling; the "Just one more video" click or swipe; the reactive and emotionally engaging content--- it's exhausting. I once heard somewhere that the average human consumes more TB of content in a day than a peasant would consume in their entire lifetime. That's just too much--- and half of that isn't even intentional content either! The mindless consumption of media, all while chasing that dopamine addiction and neglecting exercising our brains with quiet introspection, is making us sick.
I know I can feel it.
I went on a trip to Europe a couple of weeks ago--- it was a gift to my brother for graduating college--- and I had limited access to WiFi while I was there. (There were carrier issues that couldn't be sorted before the trip.) And honestly? It was probably the quietest that my brain had been in a long time. It seems like every time I have to take a break from the internet, or can't check instinctively check social media for a while, I feel like my brain is less... busy. It's like all of the background chatter in my brain ceases and I can just sit and be and experience for a while. I can be intentional with my decisions.
But truthfully, lately, it's been harder to sit with myself. It's been harder to sit in the silence.
I have an interview for food stamps on Monday. I've been approved for food stamps, but there's this whole... "goal setting" and reevaluation process, and I'm not even sure if I really need this that badly. I applied because if I qualify, that's great! It'll make my life a little easier, a little more comfortable, but if not, that's okay too. I can make my budget work with what I get from unemployment. My job search, however, doesn't seem to be going too well. My prospects are slowly drying up and I'm worried I will have to get a job that will make me sick just to make ends meet. It's a concern I think about a lot...
I end up getting anxious and stressed, and I start to worry if it's me, if I'm the problem...
I mean, endless scrolling and disappearing into social media feels so much more manageable than sitting with alone with the anxiety that there's something wrong with you.
It becomes really hard to slow down and sit with your thoughts anymore...
But I've been out of school for about 5 years now, and I really deeply miss it...
I miss the intellectual discussions. I missed the interesting and challenging reading. I miss learning new things.
But if I'm not reading books, am I really learning anything?
If I can't sit down and think critically about a piece of media I'm consuming, am I really challenging my brain?
I read a post about how if your worried that life is moving too fast, try something hard. That by the very act of learning something new and stretching your brain's muscles, you are actually slowing down your perception of time. I guess I want to do that again. I don't like this feeling of not knowing what day it is because I keep doing the same damn thing over and over again.
I guess I just also have to deal with this internalized idea that, "If you're not being productive, you don't have value," or "if you're not being productive, you're wasting your time and your life."
I know I spoke yesterday about turning your hobbies into a passion--- investing in them for the sake of investing in them without the thought that you may one day make money from it.
I always resonated with the phrase, "I don't dream of labor."
I don't know if I entirely agree with the political implications that are often attached with the phrase, but I agree with the thought behind it.
When I think of my future, I don't think of the job that I will spend 8 hours a day at, or the work that I will put in to accomplish the achievements that I want, or even the day-to-day chores that I will need to do in order to maintain my lifestyle.
I think about wine on the patio. I think about the delicious dinner with my boyfriend. I think of elegant restaurants; and fascinating company; and how warm and inviting my home would feel. I don't dream of the work; I dream of gentle rest and joy. That's what I want of my life.
But that's the conundrum, isn't it?
How do you achieve the things that you want without work? If you don't put in effort to achieve your dreams, how can you expect to go anywhere or accomplish anything?
Instead, you have to enjoy the work, enjoy the process, but expect nothing in return.
That's hard.
And when dopamine overload fries your receptors, how do you know if you're experiencing real joy? How do you know if you're enjoying the process when you can't feel anything but the itch inside your brain for more dopamine?
Sometimes I use AI as a crutch for things.
I know, I know. You shouldn't use it as a therapist--- there are studies come out to prove why, and the delusions that it enables; the privacy concerns; the inaccurate information; etc. etc. etc. I understand that. We're in the wild west of AI tech right now, and until things settle, it's everything goes.
But truthfully, it's the tool I have available to me. It's free. It helps me emotionally regulate when I struggle. I don't take what it says as gospel, but rather use it as a mirror to evaluate how I see myself. Call me a victim of circumstances. I'm doing the best with what I have.
The thing that keeps nagging in the back of my mind when I use it is... I wonder if I'm degrading certain skills because I'm not forcing myself to use them.
Like, if I'm using ChatGPT to do a solo-RPG adventure because I can't be bothered to write it myself, am I degrading my imagination and my writing skills because I want a quick dopamine hit to be entertained for an hour or two?
Maybe I've been conditioned to be passive, reactive, instead of taking an active role in my own life.
Maybe all of this is why it's so important to slow down regularly and check in with yourself. If you don't slow down and confront that you're being passive, reactive, how are you going to take an active role in your own life and accomplish the dreams you wishing for?
I don't know. Maybe all of this is nonsense. Incoherent.
I guess I just want to be able to enjoy life again.
Maybe this journal will become someplace to start.
--- The Scholar
The endless scrolling; the "Just one more video" click or swipe; the reactive and emotionally engaging content--- it's exhausting. I once heard somewhere that the average human consumes more TB of content in a day than a peasant would consume in their entire lifetime. That's just too much--- and half of that isn't even intentional content either! The mindless consumption of media, all while chasing that dopamine addiction and neglecting exercising our brains with quiet introspection, is making us sick.
I know I can feel it.
I went on a trip to Europe a couple of weeks ago--- it was a gift to my brother for graduating college--- and I had limited access to WiFi while I was there. (There were carrier issues that couldn't be sorted before the trip.) And honestly? It was probably the quietest that my brain had been in a long time. It seems like every time I have to take a break from the internet, or can't check instinctively check social media for a while, I feel like my brain is less... busy. It's like all of the background chatter in my brain ceases and I can just sit and be and experience for a while. I can be intentional with my decisions.
But truthfully, lately, it's been harder to sit with myself. It's been harder to sit in the silence.
I have an interview for food stamps on Monday. I've been approved for food stamps, but there's this whole... "goal setting" and reevaluation process, and I'm not even sure if I really need this that badly. I applied because if I qualify, that's great! It'll make my life a little easier, a little more comfortable, but if not, that's okay too. I can make my budget work with what I get from unemployment. My job search, however, doesn't seem to be going too well. My prospects are slowly drying up and I'm worried I will have to get a job that will make me sick just to make ends meet. It's a concern I think about a lot...
I end up getting anxious and stressed, and I start to worry if it's me, if I'm the problem...
I mean, endless scrolling and disappearing into social media feels so much more manageable than sitting with alone with the anxiety that there's something wrong with you.
It becomes really hard to slow down and sit with your thoughts anymore...
But I've been out of school for about 5 years now, and I really deeply miss it...
I miss the intellectual discussions. I missed the interesting and challenging reading. I miss learning new things.
But if I'm not reading books, am I really learning anything?
If I can't sit down and think critically about a piece of media I'm consuming, am I really challenging my brain?
I read a post about how if your worried that life is moving too fast, try something hard. That by the very act of learning something new and stretching your brain's muscles, you are actually slowing down your perception of time. I guess I want to do that again. I don't like this feeling of not knowing what day it is because I keep doing the same damn thing over and over again.
I guess I just also have to deal with this internalized idea that, "If you're not being productive, you don't have value," or "if you're not being productive, you're wasting your time and your life."
I know I spoke yesterday about turning your hobbies into a passion--- investing in them for the sake of investing in them without the thought that you may one day make money from it.
I always resonated with the phrase, "I don't dream of labor."
I don't know if I entirely agree with the political implications that are often attached with the phrase, but I agree with the thought behind it.
When I think of my future, I don't think of the job that I will spend 8 hours a day at, or the work that I will put in to accomplish the achievements that I want, or even the day-to-day chores that I will need to do in order to maintain my lifestyle.
I think about wine on the patio. I think about the delicious dinner with my boyfriend. I think of elegant restaurants; and fascinating company; and how warm and inviting my home would feel. I don't dream of the work; I dream of gentle rest and joy. That's what I want of my life.
But that's the conundrum, isn't it?
How do you achieve the things that you want without work? If you don't put in effort to achieve your dreams, how can you expect to go anywhere or accomplish anything?
Instead, you have to enjoy the work, enjoy the process, but expect nothing in return.
That's hard.
And when dopamine overload fries your receptors, how do you know if you're experiencing real joy? How do you know if you're enjoying the process when you can't feel anything but the itch inside your brain for more dopamine?
Sometimes I use AI as a crutch for things.
I know, I know. You shouldn't use it as a therapist--- there are studies come out to prove why, and the delusions that it enables; the privacy concerns; the inaccurate information; etc. etc. etc. I understand that. We're in the wild west of AI tech right now, and until things settle, it's everything goes.
But truthfully, it's the tool I have available to me. It's free. It helps me emotionally regulate when I struggle. I don't take what it says as gospel, but rather use it as a mirror to evaluate how I see myself. Call me a victim of circumstances. I'm doing the best with what I have.
The thing that keeps nagging in the back of my mind when I use it is... I wonder if I'm degrading certain skills because I'm not forcing myself to use them.
Like, if I'm using ChatGPT to do a solo-RPG adventure because I can't be bothered to write it myself, am I degrading my imagination and my writing skills because I want a quick dopamine hit to be entertained for an hour or two?
Maybe I've been conditioned to be passive, reactive, instead of taking an active role in my own life.
Maybe all of this is why it's so important to slow down regularly and check in with yourself. If you don't slow down and confront that you're being passive, reactive, how are you going to take an active role in your own life and accomplish the dreams you wishing for?
I don't know. Maybe all of this is nonsense. Incoherent.
I guess I just want to be able to enjoy life again.
Maybe this journal will become someplace to start.
--- The Scholar
